The last three days have been exhausting and liberating in so many ways. I perform in a Fusion Pipe Band - that means that bagpipers and drummers get together and play tunes in unexpected ways. We held our first concert on Saturday to a small but enthusiastic crowd.
As the Event Manager, PR Person, Bass Drummer and Resident Nutter, I had my hands full with roles and responsibilities. Stress levels varied with fluctuating roiling nerves - it wasn't pretty! *laughing* But as a I sat in the afternoon of Sunday, basking in the warmth of success albeit for just a few moments, a few 'home truths' hit home for me.
First was the 'mask' ~ not the Jim Carrey version, although on second thoughts, it is rather an apt metaphor/simile. When we perform, whether it be on stage or in our lives, we all adopt masks. I had to perform two new variety acts on short notice on the weekend. I practiced so hard to learn my new lines. It reminded me of how we affirm our manifestations constantly. Then, when it was time to step up to the microphone to perform, my knees were knocking and I was hoping that the audience appreciated my efforts. Yup, the mask showed the professional performer but inside, I was still insecure Caithe hoping that what she was doing was 'okay'. When we manifest, we have to take those shaky first steps to put the manifestation in place and hope to the high heavens that the end result is 'pleasing'.
Second, people see you for your actions. In my performance, I had to be 'drunk' (ps. it only takes one drink for me to start dancing on tables and singing Billy Ray Cyrus so I rarely indulge). However, my mask of performance was so realistic that many thought I was an inebriated slosh-head. *laughing* So many audience members thought I really had imbibed. Classic! It was a reminder to me to be always self-aware of how I was presenting my self through my mask.
Thirdly, the emotional roller-coaster of this weekend was exhausting!!! I shared on Facebook how I felt that I wasn't sure which emotion was going to surface at any time. Thank the Goddess for FB ~ the sisterhood of soul-sisters came back quickly with support and affirmation that they felt the same way. I pondered the 'why' of this for quite awhile. Then it hit me.. I"m a pisces - a natural chameleon that takes on the characteristics of those around me. My empathic abilities are quite strong and at times, quite difficult to reign in! Add to that mix that over the weekend, I wore a 'mask' of performer. Add to that: Gemini Full Moon coming up! My body was not sure which way to go - spiritual me, neurotic me, emotional me or Jim Carrey un-masked me! *laughing*
What a relief to know that it wasn't some sort of illegal roofie slipped into my water over the weekend. Nope, this Goddess was just under the influence of her self-annointed masks combined with the moon waxing.... Goddess help us all! :)
In the midst of all that emoting and generally Jane Eyerish ponderings, I noted that our Pom-Pom Tree is a mass of blooms. The tree looks like a cheer-leading squad of Fairies have taken up residence amongst the branches. A cool change has come through introducing cooler weather and the need to unearth my recently packed away blankets.
A new week is about to begin ~ with the Gemini Full Moon becoming stronger and stronger, my mantra this week needs to be: I am stable and perfectly balanced ;)
Wishing you a balanced day too!
Namaste
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